Porcelain Heart
by Miss Uncreative
Summary: *Title Change* Jane finds herself doubting and hopeless when her mother falls ill. She finds herself thinking, "Why her? Why now? Why not me?" But maybe, just maybe, she will find the hope she longs to feel if she looks hard enough.
1. Wishes

I'M BAAAAACK! Did anyone miss me? **crickets** ...okay then. Anyway.

I'm back with another JATD story! Now this one isn't set on a specific pairing, so you Jester/Jane, Smithy/Jane, etc. fans will hopefully enjoy this. I may throw in a scence of Jane/Gunther, because I am a weirdo, but that will NOT be the main focus!

Now, this story takes place after my previous one, _What Happened? _However, you don't have to read it to understand, though I may mention what happened a couple of times throughout the story.

AND FINALLY! I would LOVE if you reviewed! Your reviews make me want to continue writing, so please! Send some encouragement! And feel free to critise my spelling, grammar, or writing. I would love to get better at writing, for I love it so much. But please, be nice. I bruise easily. ;_;

Okay! On with the show!~

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**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own the JATD characters (THOUGH IF I DID, THERE WOULD BE 8 SEASONS OF AWESOMENESS! AND PLUSHIES AND CLOTHING LINES AND-), but I do own the plot. :)

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I would always remember my fourteenth year best.

When my eyes were closed in sleep, I would often dream about past memories when I was only fourteen. And when I awoke, I felt as if I was that young again, only to look in a mirror and find it different.

The night before the new year arrived, Dragon and I would camp out in his cave. We would stay up all night and wait for the sunrise. When dawn broke, we would close our eyes and make a wish. We were only allowed (for we made up this rule—do not ask me why) to tell one another our wishes at the next year's sunrise.

That year, I was determined to beat Dragon. For the last years we had done it, I had always fallen asleep, and Dragon gloated as he woke me up. Not this time, no.

I could already feel my eyes beginning to droop.

"You are going to lose, Jane," Dragon said. He smirked, and laid his head down, staring at me. I stared back.

"Am not." I replied, my ego keeping me from needed sleep.

"Are too," He grinned.

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

And so on it went. When I felt as though I was going to fall asleep, I would pinch my thigh as hard as I could, and my eyes would widen with pain, making me feel awake.

"Look, Jane," Dragon said, suddenly, staring out of the entrance of the cave.

"I am not falling for that old trick." I grinned.

"No, really, Jane," His voice was honest. I turned around and looked. "What am I supposed to be looking at?"

"The sky! The sun is rising!"

My energy seemed to come back to me all at once, and I could not get up fast enough. Dragon and I scampered out of the cave. We sat near the edge of the mountain, watching the sky for sign of the sun.

"So," said Dragon, "what did you wish for last year?"

I scrunched my eyebrows together, in though. I began laughing.

"What is so funny?" Dragon asked.

I snorted and stopped laughing. "I do not remember!"

He shook his head. "You short lives. It seems as if you would forget your own names if you did not need to say it everyday!"

"You do not know your name," I countered.

He rolled his eyes. "That is different!"

"Oh, sure it is," I smirked. He grinned back at me before looking back out at the sky.

"All right then, big, awesome lizard. What did you wish for?"

Dragon shrugged. "Why should I tell you if you do not tell me yours?"

I snorted.

I was beginning to feel cold. There was no snow—which was very peculiar. Although the men of the village found it a very good thing, the Prince and Princess were dying to have it. It had only snowed twice since the beginning winter months, and it had melted the next day both times.

It was a warm night compared to most. But it was still winter, and though I was layered, I longed for my blanket that I had left back in the cave in my haste.

"Look, Jane!"

I scanned the horizon. There was the sun.

It seemed to rise slowly, grasping every moment of the beautiful morning. It brought much light, and the sky was now a radiant mix of blue, purple, yellow, orange and pink.

"It is just so…" I trailed, lost in its beauty.

"Magnificent," Dragon finished, sighing contently. I nodded, agreeing with him.

"Make a wish!" Dragon shouted, and I closed my eyes as fast as I could.

But what would I wish for?

I still could not remember last year's, so I could not wish for that again.

I felt a tugging on my heart. I would be turning fourteen, making me a soon-to-be woman. I knew my life would be difficult from here on out. I knew the King was having disputes with the neighboring kingdoms, and though I knew his Majesty would avoid war at all costs, I feared it all the same.

_Safety._

I wished for safety. I feared, though, if I listed all the people and things I wanted safe, my wish would not come true at all. So I left it at that, and decided to let God choose my fate.

"Are you done yet?"

I opened my eyes and grinned at Dragon. "Yes, I am."

"So, what did you wish for?" he teased.

"You will find out next year," I said.

"That is if you remember."

I did remember last year's wish.

It was not until I was lying in bed. It was pitch dark, clouds blocking the stars and moon, the only source of light. I awoke randomly, and I tried my best to fall back into slumber. But sleep would not come. It was then that I remembered.

I had wished for _Gunther._

I, still to this day, do not remember specifically what about Gunther I had wished for. But I figured it had been because of my feelings for him.

When I was thirteen, I had developed a crush on my rival.


	2. Spring

**Chapter 2**

_**"Spring"**_

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When spring finally came about, everyone could not have been happier. All except for the Prince and Princess, who felt cheated from the snowless winter (and even I must admit I felt a bit cheated as well).

"Does it not just feel so marvelous, Petal?" Pepper asked. She was holding her gown up to her knees as she dipped her feet into the cool stream a few minutes' walk away. The two of us had gone to do laundry and could not help but take advantage of the beautiful spring's day.

I followed her act by taking off my boots and rolling up my breeches, dipping my feet into the cold stream.

"Yes, Pepper. It feels wonderful." I replied. The two of us stood there in our own thoughts, enjoying the day. I looked over at her and suddenly got a somewhat evil idea. I thrusted my hands into the stream and splashed Pepper. She opened her eyes and gasped softly, reacting to the cold water.

"Oh, it is on!" She screeched, and so began our water fight. Pepper even fell, and I took advantage of that by kicking water into her face. The joke was soon on me, though, when I fell myself. We sat there, drenched, and laughing. We helped each other up, and went back to our laundry.

I smirked. "So, has he asked yet?"

"Has who asked what, Jane?" Pepper asked, but I saw she was blushing.

"You know full well. Has Rake asked you to become his bride?"

Pepper now became as red as a strawberry.

"I am jesting you, Pepper," I grinned. "But you will tell me when he does ask, will you?"

"Of course, Jane. You will be the first to know." Pepper replied. We stood up and began to make our way back to the castle.

Pepper continued. "But it probably will not be for quite some time. We both have our work to think about."

I nodded. "I agree. Take your time, Pepper. Rake is such a sweet boy, but you should not rush anything."

"We will not, Jane." Pepper said, blushing again. "And what of your sweetheart?"

I laughed. "What sweetheart?"

"Exactly! You should at least be looking…"

"Pepper," I shook my head. "You know full well that I could never find a sweetheart. No man could stick with me, even if he wanted to. I will be a knight soon! He would not have the wife he imagined."

"I am sure there is someone." Pepper smirked. I knew that look.

"Not this again." I replied, slightly annoyed. "Jester is a sweet man and my best friend. I mean, I would trust him with my life! But—"

"I was not referring to Jester."

I blinked. "Then who?"

"Why, Gunther!"

I snorted. "Pepper, you cannot be serious! Me with that…weasel?"

"I thought the two of you have been getting along quite nicely." She retorted.

"Well, yes. I would say we have become more gentle towards each other. But that does not mean—"

Pepper suddenly stopped walking. She tossed the basket that was carrying the clean clothes onto her side. "Now that I think about it, Jane, it seems to me that you two became friendlier right after the two of you got lost last year."

I closed my eyes and inwardly groaned. I did not like being reminded of that mishap. I had been so confused about Gunther and had run away into the forest to spend some time by myself. It was Gunther who found me, and before we could get back to the castle, a storm came about. It spooked the horse, and I ended up falling off and hitting my head. We had to make our way back to the castle on foot, all the while I was ill. Gunther had shown me that he was a gentleman. Some of the time.

"Well, I suppose." I replied. "I mean, he did help me a lot and showed me he could be kind…somewhat."

I chuckled at the ending joke, but Pepper still stared at me skeptically. "Are you sure there is nothing you have not told me?"

"Nothing I would not trust you with," I smiled at her. She nodded and we continued on our way.

Of course, there was something I was not telling Pepper, though I dare not ever.

"There you are, Pepper!" said Smithy.

"Oh, sorry, all." Pepper grinned apologetically. "I lost track of time. I will get the soup ready right away." She turned to me. "Do you mine taking this to your mother?"

"Not at all." I replied, taking her basket of clean clothes with my own basket. She thanked me and rushed into the kitchens. I began walking, when suddenly Jester showed up beside me.

"Here, let me take one." He offered.

"Thank you, but I can handle it, Jester." I said, smiling slightly.

"Please, let me."

"Jester, I—"

He grinned at me. "Lady Jane, I am attempting to be a gentleman."

I shook my head and handed him a basket.

"It has been a long while since I have seen you do the laundry, Jane."

I nodded. "Yes, but I thought I would take my mother's place."

Jester frowned. "How is she doing?"

"Better, I suppose." I decided my feet were better than looking at Jester's compassionate face. He was such a friend, but I could not bear to look in those blue eyes.

My mother lost another child. She and my father had been wanting a child for a while, and she finally conceived, only for the baby to be born too early to survive. It had been three weeks, but it was still hard on her. She was usually strong about what happened, but today had been one of those few days where my mother found herself struck with grief.

"It is not your fault, Jane." He said. I sighed. I knew that. But if I had been the daughter they wanted, my mother would never feel this pain.

I simply nodded. We finally arrived at my parents' chambers. I took the basket from Jester and he left as I walked into the room. I found my mother laying in her bed, asleep. I set down the baskets and went to her side. I bent down on my knees and took her hands. She awoke with a start.

I shushed her gently. "Mother, it is just me."

"Oh, Jane." With her free hand, she caressed my face. She began to stroke my hair. "Oh, my lovely daughter."

I began to feel guilty. I would never go back to being a lady-in-waiting; I would become a knight. But that did not mean I felt nothing about my parents. I lowered my gaze, feeling wretched as I realized I could not even give my mother a grandchild.

"Jane, I love you." She began to stroke my cheeks.

"I love you, too, mother."

"No, Jane." She said, closing her eyes. "I love you so much. Much more than you know. I may not like what you have chosen for your life, but I love you so much. And I always will."

I smiled wistfully. "Yes, mother. I love you equally as much."

And with that said, she closed her eyes and went back to sleep.

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**Disclaimer:** I do not own Jane or any other character. ;( I do, however, own the plot.

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**A/N:** Ooh...heh. It's been awhile, hasn't it?

I'M SORRY! I've been lazy-but, don't worry! I've been writing a lot lately. School's in two weeks, though (AHHHHH! I love you, summer 3333), so I hope I won't get lazy on you guys again. Please forgive me. D;

Please review! It makes me happy and makes me wanna write more! Also, if you see any typos, grammar errors, etc., feel free to tell me! It improves my writing. :)

P.S. Does anyone know how to indent on ? (...lol, that rhymed...)


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